This week I presented mysef as Christine to my therapist – not physically – but in terms of me personally. I have been having personal therapy for 18 months – which I needed to do for my counselling course – but which I have found intensely valuable. I have discussed my transgender issues on numerous occasions – in fact it has been the main theme – but this is the first time I have talked as Christine.
It was a very emotional session. Lots of tears. I felt very vulnerable, embarrassed and timid – but it was a profound experience that touched into areas that I had never previously been into. I realised how much I had been suppressing a huge part of my personality. My therapist was wonderful – treating it as a first session for a new client. I finally admitted a huge part of me into the counselling room and feel that this is a real breakthrough in my personal progress. Interestingly I have felt more confident and open in my subsequent interactions in various situations – both professional and personal. I am looking forward to explorinng more along this avenue.
I haven’t had a chance to dress for about 6 months now – and it is starting to tell. I think my sore throat is indicative of me suppressing my feminine voice. My last post was about having my ears pierced – which is my one lifeline to my feminine side. At least I can touch them and feel a bit girly. I need to do something about this….
My elderly parents are needing a lot of support at the moment and I am feeling the need to escape into my feminine persona and set myself free.
Sounds so simple – yet it is very significant for me, and quite emotional. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for years – in fact since I was a teenager – but never felt I was allowed to do it. So this is an expression of who I am – a statement. Continuing my unfolding…
I spoke to my counselling group again today about my transgender situation and was again touched and encouraged by their support. I feel that I am called to be a pioneer in helping to gain acceptance for a more tolerant attitude towards freedom of gender expression, in my own small way. I am looking forward to fulfilling my part in this significant venture which many other brave people have already made significant steps in their social mileux.
Last week I shared my TG story with my female counselling group. I was scared beforehand but was overwhelmed by the positive reposne I had, so warm, accepting and loving. It was a very special moment and has allowed me to accept myself even more. It feels like a new beginning – although I’m sue there will be some rough seas ahead – but that moment will stay with me forever.
I’ve just published the rest of my book, Part 3 (chapters 23 – 30). I have been very reticent to publish it as I am not sure if it is pretentious claptrap or something worthwhile. I decided to let you decide. If you don’t like it you’ll go onto something else, no harm done, if you do like it – great.
All I can say is that I wrote it from the heart – just sat down and typed what came into my head. A bit stream of consciousness you might say.
PS I have edited the dates of the chapters back into the past so that when you click on the link to my book the chapters appear in the correct order.
This is a series of stills I took from my laptop. I put a simple piece of music to it that I like to dance to, very lyrical. When I watched the finished version it made me cry because it seemed to express who I really am inside so well.