I’ve been away to a couple of places over the last week with my wife and some friends.
The first trip, on a dance weekend, I mustered up the courage to wear some quite feminine pink coral drop earrings rather than just studs. I also painted a couple of nails, which I had grown long and shaped. This may not sound much but it broke through a barrier for me and I found that it was so easy to be accepted. No-one really batted an eyelid. Friends made one or two comments, or interest really, nothing uncomfortable.
The second trip was just with my wife, in France. Here I painted my nails in a light pink pearly shade (fingers and toes) and wore drop earrings in the evening and during the day. I also wore a feminine pearl drop necklace and a pearl bracelet and wore some light make-up to dinner on two nights. Again this was a big step forward for me.
I am gradually escaping from my paralysing fear of wearing feminine things – it is extremely liberating. I feel that I am finally allowing my real self to come to the fore which ha hitherto been severely hindered by my false (compliant) self that says I should be a ‘normal’ middle-class business type. Although I did have the odd look I found that it didn’t bother me. I felt like I was asserting who I am. Whereas I had known that I could do this intellectually it took a lot of courage to do it physically.
I am so privileged to have a wife who encourages me in this. She doesn’t like the body shaping, wigs, heels and dresses – but is happy with make-up and jewellery.
So, an important few days for me! Not sure what the next teps are but just basking in the satisfaction of these at the moment.