I’ve been thinking more about why I dress and what it means. Some of this has been prompted by a book that I have been reading by Julia Serano called Whipping Girl. I decided to list all of the reasons I can think of – without preference or weighting.
It makes me feel good. I feel energy coursing through my body when I dress. I feel at home.
It is an expression of the divine feminine within me – as per Jung’s anima.
It is a fetish that turns me on (as per the DSM ‘disorder’ definition of transvestism).
It makes me feel free.
It is exciting to take on a different personality and walk about behind a different facade.
I like to look beautiful.
It is a creative work of art, using my body as a canvas, to create a thing of feminine beauty (this is a new realisation for me).
I like taking photos with a touch of eroticism and the delightfully intriguing ambiguity and paradox of transgender.
It is because I’ve always felt in some way like a girl, I like dancing and music and being with girls/women – I like their company in a like-minded way.
It is a statement against the macho male stereotype of football and laddishness.
I love wearing heels, nylons, make-up, colourful clothes, the feeling of a skirt.
It is an addiction.
Not sure about this one – but it could be something to do with wanting to get close to my mum who may have rejected me at some critical point in my chidhood (although I don’t remember it).
Because my mum wanted a girl and I was influenced in the womb.
Because I didn’t get enought testosterone in the womb.
Because I’ve always loved looking at beautiful women and to become one is an experience of getting inside that beauty and becoming it.
It enables me to escape from the anxiety of living up to my usual male persona.
It takes me back to the innocence of childhood when I dressed as a very young boy.
It’s an interesting challenge to create an authentic passable look. I like trying to perfect the look and learning each time I do it.
It puts me in touch with some deeper part of me that I cannot contact any other way.
To experience what it is like to be a woman and be treated like a woman.
I enjoy exhibiting photos of myself on the internet and receiving accolades from my followers.
Feel free to judge me in any way you feel you need to – but these are my honest thoughts. I’m sure there are others – but this is enough for now.