Unfettered – Chapter 17 – Spirituality and Transgender Expression

I have been talking a lot using my left brain – “Mister M” – now it is a chance for me, Christine, to speak again. I look at all that stuff that pours forth from M’s brain and am truly wowed by it – but at the end of the day I look to experience. What is important for me is how I feel every day. Do I feel good or do I feel bad. Am I happy or am I sad. All the theorising in the world won’t change this – it is only through my internal mental processes that I can affect this.

This week has been a special week for me. Today I wrote my daily thought – ‘Today I am reborn as the Trinity’. I write an affirmation every day on my ‘to-do’ list. The ‘to-do’ list is really M’s but I sneak this little bit in on the top line of every day. Here are a few examples from last couple of weeks:

I feel good about life. I am grateful for this wonderful opportunity and enjoy it.

Christ in Christine.

I am one with the Christ who expresses openly through me as me.

I sanctify my work by remaining connected to divine spirit at all times. I channel energy directly from the source.

I step forward in synchronistic harmony with all the powers of the universe.

Every day is a precious gift and I remember in all moments to acknowledge and enjoy it and grow in spirit.

I am simply living my new life – accepting that I am now open.

Do you notice the one that says ‘Christ in Christine’? That was quite a revelation to me. I have been through several names starting with Diane, then Sophia, Karen and finally Christine. When I was Diane someone asked me why I had chosen that name – I said because I liked it (or should I say, M liked it – although he didn’t understand what I was doing behind the scenes). Diana is the goddess of the hunt, moon and birthing. Not sure about the hunt – but moon and birthing are quite apt. The moon represents the feminine or passive side contrasted with the sun which is the active or masculine principle. Birthing in my instance clearly (or at least so it seems to me) to be the birth of me, the feminine aspect of our collective being, into consciousness.

I then became Sophia which is clearly associated with wisdom. At that time I was seeking spiritual wisdom (and still am…). It felt like an appropriate name. Karen apparently means pure and beautiful lady or maiden. (I’ve only just looked that up) which certainly encapsulates my aspirations for the feminine side of my nature.

I changed to Christine not for any rational reason but simply because it felt right intuitively. When I looked at it I realised that it is very close to “Christ In”. This seems to me to be clear evidence that my feminine side is closely linked to Christ consciousness or the indwelling Christ. It is worth exploring this concept in a little more detail.

The esoteric interpretation of Jesus is as a profound spiritual teacher who had awakened his higher (spiritual) self. This is a strange set of words but saying it in other ways may make it clearer. Christians would talk about being baptised with the Holy Spirit, the third person of the Trinity. They view it as God’s spirit coming from outside to dwell inside us. New age thinkers talk about the ‘Christ consciousness’ which is also like an external spiritual force that we tap into so that we become attached to it and it can act through us. Others talk about humans as multidimensional beings with several levels of personality that we progressively become aware of as we progress along our spiritual path. Others talk about going deeply within to find our divine spark. I believe that there was no accident in my choice of this name. I believe that the awakening of my feminine is very much about an awakening of an additional spiritual element of my nature which is both within me and also universal – in that it is a part of the greater whole – ultimately God or divine spirit.

If we consider my male persona as highly rational then Christine is my feminine, more spiritual nature – which takes me a step further towards awareness of my divinity.

We talked earlier about a hierarchy of spiritual planes – I believe that Christine is on a higher plane, or at least enables me to access a higher plane, than M is or is able to access. It is therefore a wonderful concept to think of this awakening as an awakening of the Christ consciousness within me.

Last evening I had a session with my ‘spiritual facilitator’ (what??), Illa. She is someone who has been working with me over the last few weeks and has helped me open up and overcome M’s hang-ups about me (Christine). As I described earlier I was trapped in a dungeon and Illa has facilitated my release – and now I am bounding forward and really mixing things up. I was ready to come out and make these changes, but I knew that I was only a gateway to higher things. M’s rationality was preventing us from reaching higher into the spiritual realm.

After last night’s session I meditated this morning and had a profound realisation of a spiritual intercourse between Christine and M resulting in the birth of my higher self in an alchemical wedding. (Now she’s really tripped out!). I mentioned the dreaded word ‘alchemy’ which of course is synonymous, in our modern vocabulary, with medieval deluded scientists trying to turn lead into gold. In fact alchemy was primarily a spiritual practice with the aim of transforming oneself into a higher spiritual being. It is yet another analogy and method for progressing along the spiritual path. The lead represents our human personality – heavy and dead to the spiritual world. Gold is bright and shining and highly valued – representing our higher spiritual natures.

One thought on “Unfettered – Chapter 17 – Spirituality and Transgender Expression

  1. You might enjoy the writings of Richard Bohr. He is a Catholic mystic. By the way, in the Bible the nature of a believer is feminine! The prophets often relate to Israel as an unfaithful wife and lover, and Revelations is about the bride of Christ.

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